As a child I loved to read. Id stay up for hours reading. Books were always an adventure. I could forget about all my problems and things I needed to do and just dive into an adventure for a few hours.
It was so easy and it was exactly what I wanted.
But as I got older people started telling me what to read.
At first it was just a list that I had to pick a few books from. It wasn't my favorite thing abut at least some of my favorite authors had at least one title on the list I was supposed to read from. As I got older this list got smaller and smaller until it became assigned reading... ewww just ewww. The books, sorry I mean literature I had to read in high school was often mind numbingly boring, or just confusing. Like The Crucible for example...
First, its a play. So annoying to read, there's stage directions and dialogue is weird to read, its just much better as a performance. I don't hate reading plays I actually love Shakespeare especially his witty nonsensical comedies but thats another story. The Crucible is just a bunch of dumb girls lying to get attention, I know this sounds a lot like Mean Girls but it sucks a lot. Yeah, its supposed to be an allegory for McCarthyism but that means it should be read in a historical context, like a social science class, not Honors English. We spent months talking about symbolism, irony, allegory, tone instead of the thinly veiled subtext, literary representations of historical figures and its presence on banned books list, any thing banned is always better...
The Scarlett Letter also sucks. Its written in middle english, not quite Shakespere, not quite normal english, and it requires a dictionary every third paragraph. Also hanging someone for cheating is ridiculous punishment, you cant pick your parents so why all the hatin' on Pearl, and I'm sooo glad I'm not a character in this story there is no happy ending for anyone.
This cycle of icky forced reading was real real bad in high school. There were a few gems, like The Jungle which is morbidly awesome, and accurate to the time. Wuthering Heights, Bronte girls know how to do sad love stores right! The BBC movie version is also awesome, Tom Hardy and Charlotte Riley, kill it, I haven't seen the Laurence Oliver version. I have learned to hate Dickens, too much moping and not enough doing, also enough with the foreshadowing, you have killed any and all surprises. More modern literature can be good, but when you use the structure of your novel as a part of the overall meaning you exclude those not well versed in literature from enjoying your book (heres to you, House of Leaves) And the worst book ever, ahem, Ida by Gertrude Stein, its worse than See Spot Run.
After many many years of being forced to read what some call, "classics," and "literature" while having to deeply analyze and deconstruct. My love of reading has extinguished itself to faint white coals. When I was younger I used to love book reports, and being pushed out of my fantasy/adventure novel comfort zone, but forced reading, bullshit analyzations, and irrelevant "literature" that only speaks to the trials of rich white males killed the book zealot in me long ago. Lately I've been trying to get back into reading, I tried to engulf my self in some literature. But now every time I read any fiction all I can think about is the archetypes, irony, imagery and themes rather than just getting sucked up into someones dream world. But I'm curious does anyone actually enjoy talking about literary devices used in novels? Or is it just something that professors do that sucks the joy out of books?
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Friday, October 11, 2013
Monday, October 7, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
Crit Week
crit week is killing me...
I haven't slept this little since I left the department,
but I haven been sleeping because Ive been working on stuff down in the fashion department...
Its a vicious cycle.
Be a perfectionist-
get no sleep making things perfect.
Go to bed and live with less than perfect work-
get no satisfying sleep due to worrying about sloppiness...
So id rather not sleep and be perfect, or try to be perfect because perfectionism is an unfortunate illusion.
Ah I cant wait to finish my shoes and go to sleep.
I haven't slept this little since I left the department,
but I haven been sleeping because Ive been working on stuff down in the fashion department...
Its a vicious cycle.
Be a perfectionist-
get no sleep making things perfect.
Go to bed and live with less than perfect work-
get no satisfying sleep due to worrying about sloppiness...
So id rather not sleep and be perfect, or try to be perfect because perfectionism is an unfortunate illusion.
Ah I cant wait to finish my shoes and go to sleep.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Questions that lead to Questions Part I
So ive been doing this project for a class where I write down all of the questions that come to my mind. Im only a few days in but I already see trends.
Most of my questions are about every day stuff, what to wear, what to eat, do I really need to bring that to class. But a lot of the rest are reflective questions. That have popped up going through old friends Facebook accounts or categorizing the 6000 photos I recently uploaded. Questions like:
What happened to us?
Why haven't we talked in years?
Where are you now?
I wonder if you remember the time when we:
fell asleep in class on each others shoulders,
wore matching denim tuxedos,
had a food fight in the kitchen,
played dress up with your moms clothes,
spent all of our free time building forts and wooden cars,
showed me the hand saw you keep under your bed for "emergencies",
would sing at the top of our lungs over the radio,
went skinny dipping in the pacific in the middle of the day at a public beach,
had a piggyback contest on the hills of San Francisco,
had our first kiss during media class,
painted a mural for class,
would race down the hill to the swing set after lunch,
thought that this stump was the coolest thing,
played with the wooden swords I made us,
tried to make our own legos with hot glue,
made tons of "money" on Business Day,
woke up in your bathtub with tons of people in your house that neither of us knew,
got locked in the bathroom together and the janitor had to take the hinges off the door,
spent an entire class period using Photo Booth on my computer rather than class,
taught "spoons" to the class and played for the entire rest of the day
learned what our teachers middle name was,
tried to get our favorite substitute to sign our year books,
bought a fancy saw to make projects from a book,
almost got lost less than a mile a way from my house,
walked from my house to yours just because,
rode our bikes to Grandpa's house without telling anyone,
went on self esteem walks,
did crazy makeup and photo shoots,
made bad decisions on a field trip to a mormon college.
shotguned energy drinks with our teacher,
were eating apples and were warned about finding half a worm in it,
went wandering around Sac State looking for a party,
danced around the music room instead of homework or studying,
This list is going to get a lot longer, but Ive realized why my work is so nostalgic and spiritual. Because each one of these moments has stuck in me as a moment of love. A moment to be cherished, because it will never be the same. No matter how things turn out in the end if we're lucky we will still have our memories we will still be able to think back on a time where our biggest worry was if thrifty would have my favorite flavor and when the new episode of Star Trek Enterprise was on. We often don't realize the impact simple everyday moment have on us, some of my best work comes from memories of simple things, like ice cream. And even some of the things others think that I would want to forget, Ive come to realize good or bad they happened and as far as I know you can't change the past so why let them consume you why feel guilty why feel regret. Things happen people change but in the moment they seem like good ideas so hold on to that keep the love once felt, the joy in your heart, the tingly feeling on your skin, the wonder that filled your eyes, keep the mist in your hair, and the beauty in the fog. Keep the memories.
Most of my questions are about every day stuff, what to wear, what to eat, do I really need to bring that to class. But a lot of the rest are reflective questions. That have popped up going through old friends Facebook accounts or categorizing the 6000 photos I recently uploaded. Questions like:
What happened to us?
Why haven't we talked in years?
Where are you now?
I wonder if you remember the time when we:
fell asleep in class on each others shoulders,
wore matching denim tuxedos,
had a food fight in the kitchen,
played dress up with your moms clothes,
spent all of our free time building forts and wooden cars,
showed me the hand saw you keep under your bed for "emergencies",
would sing at the top of our lungs over the radio,
went skinny dipping in the pacific in the middle of the day at a public beach,
had a piggyback contest on the hills of San Francisco,
had our first kiss during media class,
painted a mural for class,
would race down the hill to the swing set after lunch,
thought that this stump was the coolest thing,
played with the wooden swords I made us,
tried to make our own legos with hot glue,
made tons of "money" on Business Day,
woke up in your bathtub with tons of people in your house that neither of us knew,
got locked in the bathroom together and the janitor had to take the hinges off the door,
spent an entire class period using Photo Booth on my computer rather than class,
taught "spoons" to the class and played for the entire rest of the day
learned what our teachers middle name was,
tried to get our favorite substitute to sign our year books,
bought a fancy saw to make projects from a book,
almost got lost less than a mile a way from my house,
walked from my house to yours just because,
rode our bikes to Grandpa's house without telling anyone,
went on self esteem walks,
did crazy makeup and photo shoots,
made bad decisions on a field trip to a mormon college.
shotguned energy drinks with our teacher,
were eating apples and were warned about finding half a worm in it,
went wandering around Sac State looking for a party,
danced around the music room instead of homework or studying,
This list is going to get a lot longer, but Ive realized why my work is so nostalgic and spiritual. Because each one of these moments has stuck in me as a moment of love. A moment to be cherished, because it will never be the same. No matter how things turn out in the end if we're lucky we will still have our memories we will still be able to think back on a time where our biggest worry was if thrifty would have my favorite flavor and when the new episode of Star Trek Enterprise was on. We often don't realize the impact simple everyday moment have on us, some of my best work comes from memories of simple things, like ice cream. And even some of the things others think that I would want to forget, Ive come to realize good or bad they happened and as far as I know you can't change the past so why let them consume you why feel guilty why feel regret. Things happen people change but in the moment they seem like good ideas so hold on to that keep the love once felt, the joy in your heart, the tingly feeling on your skin, the wonder that filled your eyes, keep the mist in your hair, and the beauty in the fog. Keep the memories.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Portfolio Photos
So lately theres been some talk of how Instagram photos can be used by Facebook for profit...
I am not a member of the smart phone bionic sector of our population with a phones that take photos, run programs, or do anything other than call or occasionally text.
I dont even have Instagram...
But I do use Facebook... and despite the fact that I actually read the disclosure statements that most of the population clicks through. I am not a lawyer or a translator of legal jargon but I have a healthy skepticism of the word free...and of people to credit you and not steal your ideas for profit.
So rather than post my photos on facebook, I will now post them here. I understand that this is still the internet and people can still steal my photos here, but at least its on my own web page, and if your nice you will read the Creative Commons license at the bottom and respect it. If you want to use my photos Im glad you like them ask first please and as an artist I understand the need to manipulate and translate the world as you see fit, so be free and enjoy my perspective of my world, I hope you see the beauty as I do.
I am not a member of the smart phone bionic sector of our population with a phones that take photos, run programs, or do anything other than call or occasionally text.
I dont even have Instagram...
But I do use Facebook... and despite the fact that I actually read the disclosure statements that most of the population clicks through. I am not a lawyer or a translator of legal jargon but I have a healthy skepticism of the word free...and of people to credit you and not steal your ideas for profit.
So rather than post my photos on facebook, I will now post them here. I understand that this is still the internet and people can still steal my photos here, but at least its on my own web page, and if your nice you will read the Creative Commons license at the bottom and respect it. If you want to use my photos Im glad you like them ask first please and as an artist I understand the need to manipulate and translate the world as you see fit, so be free and enjoy my perspective of my world, I hope you see the beauty as I do.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Dear World, Its me...What should I do with my life?
So I have no idea what do with my life.
I have made and stuck to ten and five year plans since I was seven...I realize its a bit weird for a seven year old to have a ten year plan, but when you know you know,
and when you dont know...YOU DONT KNOW!
What I'm trying to say for the first time since second grade I have no idea.
Im not saying Im following the life goals of a seven year old, the goals have always had room for adjustment and allowed for changing tides, but its the first time in my life I have not had a solid plan for a major decision.
So what do I do? Stick to the path im on:
Continue in the Fashion department next semester despite that some days it makes me cry, I often feel really dumb in that class, I don't sleep for three days a week because of it. The stress makes me, well stressed, I never have time to be social, or to really hang out with my residents. I may have to choose next year between my job and the department, which would mean more loans. I can't take the only non first year course my favorite professor teaches. I can't take any of my first choice studio electives. I basically sell my life to be in the fashion department, but it leads to being in a real fashion show at the end of the year. My secret life goal since I was a kid, being a fashion designer. The opportunity to graduate among an elite group of designers, considering if I drop the course I have to reapply to the department and start all over again, from year one, meaning more loans, more time, more stress. But sometimes the department makes me feel vapid and as though I am not using my time to positively impact society as I have always hoped I would...
Or get freaky with it and completely change my life plan:
If I change to designed objects, I will have more time to live outside of the studio. Probably less stressed, have more time to do art for fun, not be locked in to giving up 6 credits per semester to do the fashion program. I can take shoe making next semester which means I get to work with leather! But I will probably get to take this class later. I have to start out in a new program with intro a year and a half into my college career, In something that will most likely involve a bit of Math and well lets not talk about my relationship with that jerk. But maybe this could be more profitable in the long run. Are there more jobs in object design than in fashion? I also have might have more time to focus on my personal practice do some installations and some photos, and the third partner in the menage a trois of my college career, fiber art. But I might really suck at designed objects, and everyone in my class will probably be freshman computer geniuses. In designed objects you are not as locked in, I can still take fashion electives without being in the core classes so I could take fiber too... But what if I hate it and want to go back, id have to reapply... gah... what to do, what to do?
I have made and stuck to ten and five year plans since I was seven...I realize its a bit weird for a seven year old to have a ten year plan, but when you know you know,
and when you dont know...YOU DONT KNOW!
What I'm trying to say for the first time since second grade I have no idea.
Im not saying Im following the life goals of a seven year old, the goals have always had room for adjustment and allowed for changing tides, but its the first time in my life I have not had a solid plan for a major decision.
So what do I do? Stick to the path im on:
Continue in the Fashion department next semester despite that some days it makes me cry, I often feel really dumb in that class, I don't sleep for three days a week because of it. The stress makes me, well stressed, I never have time to be social, or to really hang out with my residents. I may have to choose next year between my job and the department, which would mean more loans. I can't take the only non first year course my favorite professor teaches. I can't take any of my first choice studio electives. I basically sell my life to be in the fashion department, but it leads to being in a real fashion show at the end of the year. My secret life goal since I was a kid, being a fashion designer. The opportunity to graduate among an elite group of designers, considering if I drop the course I have to reapply to the department and start all over again, from year one, meaning more loans, more time, more stress. But sometimes the department makes me feel vapid and as though I am not using my time to positively impact society as I have always hoped I would...
Or get freaky with it and completely change my life plan:
If I change to designed objects, I will have more time to live outside of the studio. Probably less stressed, have more time to do art for fun, not be locked in to giving up 6 credits per semester to do the fashion program. I can take shoe making next semester which means I get to work with leather! But I will probably get to take this class later. I have to start out in a new program with intro a year and a half into my college career, In something that will most likely involve a bit of Math and well lets not talk about my relationship with that jerk. But maybe this could be more profitable in the long run. Are there more jobs in object design than in fashion? I also have might have more time to focus on my personal practice do some installations and some photos, and the third partner in the menage a trois of my college career, fiber art. But I might really suck at designed objects, and everyone in my class will probably be freshman computer geniuses. In designed objects you are not as locked in, I can still take fashion electives without being in the core classes so I could take fiber too... But what if I hate it and want to go back, id have to reapply... gah... what to do, what to do?
 |
 |
| All the classes ive signed up so far, once I decide I'll drop the other classes. |
Friday, November 9, 2012
Time, Food and Stuff
Its November, NOVEMBER!
Time just seems to have flown away so quickly. I feel like a few weeks ago I was back in Cali on a road trip with my bffl. But in reality its been almost a year.
Im finally going home next month for the first time in a year. I am so excited. I get to see my parents my family my friends and my dog! Its only for two weeks, but I still get to go home. I love Chicago and traveling and art and all but a year is a long time especially when you are only 19. I finally booked my flight and scheduled it all so everything is set now I just wait for the semester to end.
There's so much I've missed in the past year and so much I miss. I missed graduations, birthdays, holidays, parties, parades, shows. Im more concerned about what miss though.
Like In-and-Out I have been craving some since last November, when I went home for Christmas last year I didn't go and I really just want a burger and fries for less than $20.
And Costco, samples, samples, samples all fo free! Bulk, buying things in bulk, like almonds and toilet paper, and chicken I miss shopping in bulk if I could here I would only have to go shopping once a semester! I can also get film put on CD for like $2, this why I refuse to go and get it done at Walgreens for $15
Hagens, its a Sacramento staple and its darn good!
Leatherby's, I sadly found out is actually a chain, but i still miss devouring banana splits in less than 10 min with my dad.
All the thrift stores. Theres probably more in chicago than in Sacramento, back home there all just a few blocks away on one street!
Raku firings! My high school ceramics teacher lets alum come and fire, but the open flame is a "fire hazard" so theres no raku at SAIC Id have to go to Hyde park or Lil street and take a class if I wanted to do that.
Of course almost everything I miss is food related.....
I also miss adventures with my friends, walking to the river with my family and going off trail and almost getting lost, giving tummy rubs to Mr. Noodles brother, Mr Noodles! Being snuggled by my kitties, laughing at my parents playing Just Dance, Singing on Guitar Hero with my sister... and lots of other stuff.
Im ready for thanksgiving break with my sister in Chicago, and im really ready for Christmas with my family in Sacramento.
Time just seems to have flown away so quickly. I feel like a few weeks ago I was back in Cali on a road trip with my bffl. But in reality its been almost a year.
Im finally going home next month for the first time in a year. I am so excited. I get to see my parents my family my friends and my dog! Its only for two weeks, but I still get to go home. I love Chicago and traveling and art and all but a year is a long time especially when you are only 19. I finally booked my flight and scheduled it all so everything is set now I just wait for the semester to end.
There's so much I've missed in the past year and so much I miss. I missed graduations, birthdays, holidays, parties, parades, shows. Im more concerned about what miss though.
Like In-and-Out I have been craving some since last November, when I went home for Christmas last year I didn't go and I really just want a burger and fries for less than $20.
And Costco, samples, samples, samples all fo free! Bulk, buying things in bulk, like almonds and toilet paper, and chicken I miss shopping in bulk if I could here I would only have to go shopping once a semester! I can also get film put on CD for like $2, this why I refuse to go and get it done at Walgreens for $15
Hagens, its a Sacramento staple and its darn good!
Leatherby's, I sadly found out is actually a chain, but i still miss devouring banana splits in less than 10 min with my dad.
All the thrift stores. Theres probably more in chicago than in Sacramento, back home there all just a few blocks away on one street!
Raku firings! My high school ceramics teacher lets alum come and fire, but the open flame is a "fire hazard" so theres no raku at SAIC Id have to go to Hyde park or Lil street and take a class if I wanted to do that.
Of course almost everything I miss is food related.....
I also miss adventures with my friends, walking to the river with my family and going off trail and almost getting lost, giving tummy rubs to Mr. Noodles brother, Mr Noodles! Being snuggled by my kitties, laughing at my parents playing Just Dance, Singing on Guitar Hero with my sister... and lots of other stuff.
Im ready for thanksgiving break with my sister in Chicago, and im really ready for Christmas with my family in Sacramento.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Sleep, or lack there of...
Sleep, all I want in the world is sleep.
In High School when I told people I was going to Art school, they were often confused and said things like:
You're so smart why aren't you going to real school?
Oh, you are going to have so much fun!
So what do you draw?
First off I don't draw. I wish i could, but I am horrible at it and it does not bring me any enjoyment. Secondly, who said art school is not "real" school? I go to an accredited university which is consistently in the top five for most influential schools nationally.
Fun, oh how I miss fun.
Every day I have between 10 and 3 hours of classes, then between 6 and 20 hours of homework that is due the next day. Not including homework that is due the day after that or long term projects, due the next day.
So things like sleep, fun, and general "me" time are put in the back burner until the most glorious days of the week, Saturday and Sunday. I sleep so much on friday night it is sometimes not worth it to change out of my pajamas because by the time I wake up on Saturday its already evening. So I sleep as much as I can on Friday and Saturday night because sunday is the start of the week all over again. I work on projects, If it wasn't for my sewing machine I would be running to the sewing lab every few hours to work on something (thanks mom and dad). I try to talk to my parents and the rest of the outside world, sometimes I forget that the universe doesn't end at Lake Michigan. If there's time i'll cook if not I allow my self to leave my room and go to the dining hall for dinner. As awful as this sounds I don't mind it that much. I like being busy it keeps me out of trouble sometimes ill take 5 to have a cup of tea and reflect on how amazing it is that I get so much done. Once thats over its time to get back to work.
Work
Work
Work
Work
Work
Sometimes all I do is work. I don't sleep that much, eat food that isn't pre prepared for me, or even leave my room. I just sit at my desk sewing, typing, and designing until I end up with a fabulous garment, concept board, or essay. And then I sleep and some times like today I fall asleep for 20 hours and it is fabulous. So friends, family, people of the outside world, if you don't hear form me for a while, I'm working, and if i'm not working i'm bathing in the glory of sleep. Every now and then I have a few minutes between sunrise and school where I write a letter so you all at least someone knows I haven't died yet. But in all reality all I want is:
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
In High School when I told people I was going to Art school, they were often confused and said things like:
You're so smart why aren't you going to real school?
Oh, you are going to have so much fun!
So what do you draw?
First off I don't draw. I wish i could, but I am horrible at it and it does not bring me any enjoyment. Secondly, who said art school is not "real" school? I go to an accredited university which is consistently in the top five for most influential schools nationally.
Fun, oh how I miss fun.
Every day I have between 10 and 3 hours of classes, then between 6 and 20 hours of homework that is due the next day. Not including homework that is due the day after that or long term projects, due the next day.
So things like sleep, fun, and general "me" time are put in the back burner until the most glorious days of the week, Saturday and Sunday. I sleep so much on friday night it is sometimes not worth it to change out of my pajamas because by the time I wake up on Saturday its already evening. So I sleep as much as I can on Friday and Saturday night because sunday is the start of the week all over again. I work on projects, If it wasn't for my sewing machine I would be running to the sewing lab every few hours to work on something (thanks mom and dad). I try to talk to my parents and the rest of the outside world, sometimes I forget that the universe doesn't end at Lake Michigan. If there's time i'll cook if not I allow my self to leave my room and go to the dining hall for dinner. As awful as this sounds I don't mind it that much. I like being busy it keeps me out of trouble sometimes ill take 5 to have a cup of tea and reflect on how amazing it is that I get so much done. Once thats over its time to get back to work.
Work
Work
Work
Work
Work
Sometimes all I do is work. I don't sleep that much, eat food that isn't pre prepared for me, or even leave my room. I just sit at my desk sewing, typing, and designing until I end up with a fabulous garment, concept board, or essay. And then I sleep and some times like today I fall asleep for 20 hours and it is fabulous. So friends, family, people of the outside world, if you don't hear form me for a while, I'm working, and if i'm not working i'm bathing in the glory of sleep. Every now and then I have a few minutes between sunrise and school where I write a letter so you all at least someone knows I haven't died yet. But in all reality all I want is:
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
RA Training
So I got asked at the beginning of the month if I would be interested in being an RA.
And me being thepositive, community builder that I am said yes.
So instead of writing, making art, or enjoying whats left of my summer I have been in meetings, team builders, making bulletin boards, door decks, and wasting two hours of my life on alcohol awareness. sometime it sucks.
And sometimes, we sit in the lounge watching weird movies, skate videos, braiding each others hair, and just hang out and its times like these that make me think this might just all be worth it maybe :)
And me being the
So instead of writing, making art, or enjoying whats left of my summer I have been in meetings, team builders, making bulletin boards, door decks, and wasting two hours of my life on alcohol awareness. sometime it sucks.
And sometimes, we sit in the lounge watching weird movies, skate videos, braiding each others hair, and just hang out and its times like these that make me think this might just all be worth it maybe :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)