So ive been doing this project for a class where I write down all of the questions that come to my mind. Im only a few days in but I already see trends.
Most of my questions are about every day stuff, what to wear, what to eat, do I really need to bring that to class. But a lot of the rest are reflective questions. That have popped up going through old friends Facebook accounts or categorizing the 6000 photos I recently uploaded. Questions like:
What happened to us?
Why haven't we talked in years?
Where are you now?
I wonder if you remember the time when we:
fell asleep in class on each others shoulders,
wore matching denim tuxedos,
had a food fight in the kitchen,
played dress up with your moms clothes,
spent all of our free time building forts and wooden cars,
showed me the hand saw you keep under your bed for "emergencies",
would sing at the top of our lungs over the radio,
went skinny dipping in the pacific in the middle of the day at a public beach,
had a piggyback contest on the hills of San Francisco,
had our first kiss during media class,
painted a mural for class,
would race down the hill to the swing set after lunch,
thought that this stump was the coolest thing,
played with the wooden swords I made us,
tried to make our own legos with hot glue,
made tons of "money" on Business Day,
woke up in your bathtub with tons of people in your house that neither of us knew,
got locked in the bathroom together and the janitor had to take the hinges off the door,
spent an entire class period using Photo Booth on my computer rather than class,
taught "spoons" to the class and played for the entire rest of the day
learned what our teachers middle name was,
tried to get our favorite substitute to sign our year books,
bought a fancy saw to make projects from a book,
almost got lost less than a mile a way from my house,
walked from my house to yours just because,
rode our bikes to Grandpa's house without telling anyone,
went on self esteem walks,
did crazy makeup and photo shoots,
made bad decisions on a field trip to a mormon college.
shotguned energy drinks with our teacher,
were eating apples and were warned about finding half a worm in it,
went wandering around Sac State looking for a party,
danced around the music room instead of homework or studying,
This list is going to get a lot longer, but Ive realized why my work is so nostalgic and spiritual. Because each one of these moments has stuck in me as a moment of love. A moment to be cherished, because it will never be the same. No matter how things turn out in the end if we're lucky we will still have our memories we will still be able to think back on a time where our biggest worry was if thrifty would have my favorite flavor and when the new episode of Star Trek Enterprise was on. We often don't realize the impact simple everyday moment have on us, some of my best work comes from memories of simple things, like ice cream. And even some of the things others think that I would want to forget, Ive come to realize good or bad they happened and as far as I know you can't change the past so why let them consume you why feel guilty why feel regret. Things happen people change but in the moment they seem like good ideas so hold on to that keep the love once felt, the joy in your heart, the tingly feeling on your skin, the wonder that filled your eyes, keep the mist in your hair, and the beauty in the fog. Keep the memories.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
The Ends and Beginnings
When I was about three years old I saw a t.v. show that would change my life forever. I was watching a marathon of Mr. Rodgers with my Grandpa. When suddenly the smiley old man with a fondness for puppets and zip up sweaters was replaced by a man with sandy blonde hair and tiny santa-like glasses. It was Rick Steve’s Europe and he was visiting Paris. I remember sitting on my grandpa’s lap with my eyes glued to the screen.
He went to Notre Dame, scaled the steps of Montmarte, walked the Champs-Élysées, went on Le Grande Roue, all of the things you are supposed to do in Paris and few more. But of all the things in Paris it was the Louvre that enchanted me. Its history as a royal palace, its strange pyramid in the courtyard, but most of all Winged Victory. How could something with out a face or arms be so beautiful and so elegantly capture movement. I think my child self resolved that it must have been an unfortunate angel who fell in the path of Medusa and was turned to stone, in my mind there was no way something like that could have been made by a human. In any case this city captured me in such a way that at a very young age I knew that I would go to Paris someday. It was not a mater of if but to me I saw it as something that was going to happen, someday I knew I would be walking the banks of the Seine with Notre Dame on the horizon. Even at the young age of three I would tell people that I was going to Paris, it was just a matter of time.
It was afternoons like that one spent at my grandparents house watching PBS shows, building blanket forts, making dolls out of socks with my grandma, or racing my sister to the lone swing that hung from the largest Pecan tree this side off the Pecos river. That I miss the most from my childhood. I spent so much time with my grandparents by the time I was in kindergarden I had picked up a little bit of their Texas accent.
I remember one day during the dreaded reading group time, which I hated because I already knew how to read, this ornery little kid called me out for saying y’all in front of the whole class. It was incidents like this that made me dislike the people at my school, I enjoyed learning, I just was not so hot on all the kids there, I continued to visit my Papa and Grandma every day and I further retreated into their love. The children in my class thought it was silly that I was going on trip “someday” they were very set on making me feel that I was very odd. At that age I didn’t know anything else that I might want as a grown up, I just knew that someday I would go to Paris.
After school and during vacations and summer I stayed with my grandparents while both my parents worked. My sister and I would do puzzles with my grandparents, help them in their acre with raking and cleaning up after their fruit trees an garden. In the mornings when my mom would drop us off I would help my grandpa. I would go into his room and help him button his shirt, put shaving cream on his face, help him shave and get his dentures for him from their glass. Then we would sit down for breakfast. By that time my grandma and my sister would have ate already and would be in the yard working, but Papa and I would always spend our mornings together.
My Papa kept needing more and more help from me in the mornings, eventually I wasn’t enough help for him. I knew that he had cancer, but at the age of seven I just thought It was something that all old people got. First my dad and I had to make all theses ramps for him and his walker which was decorated with every sticker I could get my hands on. Then It was a shower chair and a wheel chair. Next was a hospital bed, then meals in bed, oxygen and a nurse. One day my dad came to pick me up from school early, I thought it was for my sisters Open House but he took me to my Grandparents house where my sister and my Aunt Sherry and my Grandma were and they told me he was gone. I remember going into his room but all I remember seeing are his skinny long feet touching the foot of his bed, his closet open reveling the classic Members Only jacket he always wore, and the owl wind chime that hung from a corner of his room. I remember feeling really sad and crying for hour
When my grandma passed away my junior year of high school, the woman who took care of me as a little kid, the woman who taught me to sew the woman who kept my papa’s memories alive by telling his stories through her tears, and so many other things. Ironically my grandmas passing allowed me to complete the one thing I had always known, that I needed to go to Paris. She left me enough money to fund me to go on a class exchange program to France for a month.
Its funny how things end up how our beginning tie our end, how falling in love with an idea in an orange chair can land you swimming in the Mediterranean sea with the taste of salt tingling your skin and the sun illuminating your oldest dream. I was so so sad when she passed, I still am, but at least now there is a hope that somehow they will find each other in the heaven they so deeply believed in.
Monday, January 21, 2013
How to surf the web effectively
The above statement is an impossibility for most people, especially when it comes to researching things for a report or paper on something you don't give a shit about, (im talking to you art history papers...)
The simple answer no one wants to hear is don't.
If it doesn't interest you don't bother. Otherwise you will just end up watching Tina Fey's rant about twitter on hulu...or on facebook playing farmville so you can finally show up all the cheerleaders you secretly hated in highschool, you know they'll be jealous the unicorn cow, if only you can get it to hatch...or indulging whatever your guilty pleasure youtube search is.
The best defense is a good offense.
So before you are assigned to write about your favorite mathematical principal, do a little pregameing, a google here a click there and you end up watching a TED talk about origami, the cool kids and nerds will be impressed and you avoid a mass suicide inducing powerpoint about the amazing power of proofs...
The stuff I hate researching can be improved by adding the phrase "worst of" to it, it always makes what im really looking for much less awful:
Airports
Online Shopping-actually a very entertaining blog
or looking up youtube videos on the subject.
In short if you are actually trying to research something, go to a library and pick up a book. The web may have started as a place store information, but has ended up as a place to waste time
The simple answer no one wants to hear is don't.
If it doesn't interest you don't bother. Otherwise you will just end up watching Tina Fey's rant about twitter on hulu...or on facebook playing farmville so you can finally show up all the cheerleaders you secretly hated in highschool, you know they'll be jealous the unicorn cow, if only you can get it to hatch...or indulging whatever your guilty pleasure youtube search is.
The best defense is a good offense.
So before you are assigned to write about your favorite mathematical principal, do a little pregameing, a google here a click there and you end up watching a TED talk about origami, the cool kids and nerds will be impressed and you avoid a mass suicide inducing powerpoint about the amazing power of proofs...
The stuff I hate researching can be improved by adding the phrase "worst of" to it, it always makes what im really looking for much less awful:
Airports
Online Shopping-actually a very entertaining blog
or looking up youtube videos on the subject.
In short if you are actually trying to research something, go to a library and pick up a book. The web may have started as a place store information, but has ended up as a place to waste time
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Portfolio Photos
So lately theres been some talk of how Instagram photos can be used by Facebook for profit...
I am not a member of the smart phone bionic sector of our population with a phones that take photos, run programs, or do anything other than call or occasionally text.
I dont even have Instagram...
But I do use Facebook... and despite the fact that I actually read the disclosure statements that most of the population clicks through. I am not a lawyer or a translator of legal jargon but I have a healthy skepticism of the word free...and of people to credit you and not steal your ideas for profit.
So rather than post my photos on facebook, I will now post them here. I understand that this is still the internet and people can still steal my photos here, but at least its on my own web page, and if your nice you will read the Creative Commons license at the bottom and respect it. If you want to use my photos Im glad you like them ask first please and as an artist I understand the need to manipulate and translate the world as you see fit, so be free and enjoy my perspective of my world, I hope you see the beauty as I do.
I am not a member of the smart phone bionic sector of our population with a phones that take photos, run programs, or do anything other than call or occasionally text.
I dont even have Instagram...
But I do use Facebook... and despite the fact that I actually read the disclosure statements that most of the population clicks through. I am not a lawyer or a translator of legal jargon but I have a healthy skepticism of the word free...and of people to credit you and not steal your ideas for profit.
So rather than post my photos on facebook, I will now post them here. I understand that this is still the internet and people can still steal my photos here, but at least its on my own web page, and if your nice you will read the Creative Commons license at the bottom and respect it. If you want to use my photos Im glad you like them ask first please and as an artist I understand the need to manipulate and translate the world as you see fit, so be free and enjoy my perspective of my world, I hope you see the beauty as I do.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Dear World, Its me...What should I do with my life?
So I have no idea what do with my life.
I have made and stuck to ten and five year plans since I was seven...I realize its a bit weird for a seven year old to have a ten year plan, but when you know you know,
and when you dont know...YOU DONT KNOW!
What I'm trying to say for the first time since second grade I have no idea.
Im not saying Im following the life goals of a seven year old, the goals have always had room for adjustment and allowed for changing tides, but its the first time in my life I have not had a solid plan for a major decision.
So what do I do? Stick to the path im on:
Continue in the Fashion department next semester despite that some days it makes me cry, I often feel really dumb in that class, I don't sleep for three days a week because of it. The stress makes me, well stressed, I never have time to be social, or to really hang out with my residents. I may have to choose next year between my job and the department, which would mean more loans. I can't take the only non first year course my favorite professor teaches. I can't take any of my first choice studio electives. I basically sell my life to be in the fashion department, but it leads to being in a real fashion show at the end of the year. My secret life goal since I was a kid, being a fashion designer. The opportunity to graduate among an elite group of designers, considering if I drop the course I have to reapply to the department and start all over again, from year one, meaning more loans, more time, more stress. But sometimes the department makes me feel vapid and as though I am not using my time to positively impact society as I have always hoped I would...
Or get freaky with it and completely change my life plan:
If I change to designed objects, I will have more time to live outside of the studio. Probably less stressed, have more time to do art for fun, not be locked in to giving up 6 credits per semester to do the fashion program. I can take shoe making next semester which means I get to work with leather! But I will probably get to take this class later. I have to start out in a new program with intro a year and a half into my college career, In something that will most likely involve a bit of Math and well lets not talk about my relationship with that jerk. But maybe this could be more profitable in the long run. Are there more jobs in object design than in fashion? I also have might have more time to focus on my personal practice do some installations and some photos, and the third partner in the menage a trois of my college career, fiber art. But I might really suck at designed objects, and everyone in my class will probably be freshman computer geniuses. In designed objects you are not as locked in, I can still take fashion electives without being in the core classes so I could take fiber too... But what if I hate it and want to go back, id have to reapply... gah... what to do, what to do?
I have made and stuck to ten and five year plans since I was seven...I realize its a bit weird for a seven year old to have a ten year plan, but when you know you know,
and when you dont know...YOU DONT KNOW!
What I'm trying to say for the first time since second grade I have no idea.
Im not saying Im following the life goals of a seven year old, the goals have always had room for adjustment and allowed for changing tides, but its the first time in my life I have not had a solid plan for a major decision.
So what do I do? Stick to the path im on:
Continue in the Fashion department next semester despite that some days it makes me cry, I often feel really dumb in that class, I don't sleep for three days a week because of it. The stress makes me, well stressed, I never have time to be social, or to really hang out with my residents. I may have to choose next year between my job and the department, which would mean more loans. I can't take the only non first year course my favorite professor teaches. I can't take any of my first choice studio electives. I basically sell my life to be in the fashion department, but it leads to being in a real fashion show at the end of the year. My secret life goal since I was a kid, being a fashion designer. The opportunity to graduate among an elite group of designers, considering if I drop the course I have to reapply to the department and start all over again, from year one, meaning more loans, more time, more stress. But sometimes the department makes me feel vapid and as though I am not using my time to positively impact society as I have always hoped I would...
Or get freaky with it and completely change my life plan:
If I change to designed objects, I will have more time to live outside of the studio. Probably less stressed, have more time to do art for fun, not be locked in to giving up 6 credits per semester to do the fashion program. I can take shoe making next semester which means I get to work with leather! But I will probably get to take this class later. I have to start out in a new program with intro a year and a half into my college career, In something that will most likely involve a bit of Math and well lets not talk about my relationship with that jerk. But maybe this could be more profitable in the long run. Are there more jobs in object design than in fashion? I also have might have more time to focus on my personal practice do some installations and some photos, and the third partner in the menage a trois of my college career, fiber art. But I might really suck at designed objects, and everyone in my class will probably be freshman computer geniuses. In designed objects you are not as locked in, I can still take fashion electives without being in the core classes so I could take fiber too... But what if I hate it and want to go back, id have to reapply... gah... what to do, what to do?
 |
 |
| All the classes ive signed up so far, once I decide I'll drop the other classes. |
Friday, November 9, 2012
Time, Food and Stuff
Its November, NOVEMBER!
Time just seems to have flown away so quickly. I feel like a few weeks ago I was back in Cali on a road trip with my bffl. But in reality its been almost a year.
Im finally going home next month for the first time in a year. I am so excited. I get to see my parents my family my friends and my dog! Its only for two weeks, but I still get to go home. I love Chicago and traveling and art and all but a year is a long time especially when you are only 19. I finally booked my flight and scheduled it all so everything is set now I just wait for the semester to end.
There's so much I've missed in the past year and so much I miss. I missed graduations, birthdays, holidays, parties, parades, shows. Im more concerned about what miss though.
Like In-and-Out I have been craving some since last November, when I went home for Christmas last year I didn't go and I really just want a burger and fries for less than $20.
And Costco, samples, samples, samples all fo free! Bulk, buying things in bulk, like almonds and toilet paper, and chicken I miss shopping in bulk if I could here I would only have to go shopping once a semester! I can also get film put on CD for like $2, this why I refuse to go and get it done at Walgreens for $15
Hagens, its a Sacramento staple and its darn good!
Leatherby's, I sadly found out is actually a chain, but i still miss devouring banana splits in less than 10 min with my dad.
All the thrift stores. Theres probably more in chicago than in Sacramento, back home there all just a few blocks away on one street!
Raku firings! My high school ceramics teacher lets alum come and fire, but the open flame is a "fire hazard" so theres no raku at SAIC Id have to go to Hyde park or Lil street and take a class if I wanted to do that.
Of course almost everything I miss is food related.....
I also miss adventures with my friends, walking to the river with my family and going off trail and almost getting lost, giving tummy rubs to Mr. Noodles brother, Mr Noodles! Being snuggled by my kitties, laughing at my parents playing Just Dance, Singing on Guitar Hero with my sister... and lots of other stuff.
Im ready for thanksgiving break with my sister in Chicago, and im really ready for Christmas with my family in Sacramento.
Time just seems to have flown away so quickly. I feel like a few weeks ago I was back in Cali on a road trip with my bffl. But in reality its been almost a year.
Im finally going home next month for the first time in a year. I am so excited. I get to see my parents my family my friends and my dog! Its only for two weeks, but I still get to go home. I love Chicago and traveling and art and all but a year is a long time especially when you are only 19. I finally booked my flight and scheduled it all so everything is set now I just wait for the semester to end.
There's so much I've missed in the past year and so much I miss. I missed graduations, birthdays, holidays, parties, parades, shows. Im more concerned about what miss though.
Like In-and-Out I have been craving some since last November, when I went home for Christmas last year I didn't go and I really just want a burger and fries for less than $20.
And Costco, samples, samples, samples all fo free! Bulk, buying things in bulk, like almonds and toilet paper, and chicken I miss shopping in bulk if I could here I would only have to go shopping once a semester! I can also get film put on CD for like $2, this why I refuse to go and get it done at Walgreens for $15
Hagens, its a Sacramento staple and its darn good!
Leatherby's, I sadly found out is actually a chain, but i still miss devouring banana splits in less than 10 min with my dad.
All the thrift stores. Theres probably more in chicago than in Sacramento, back home there all just a few blocks away on one street!
Raku firings! My high school ceramics teacher lets alum come and fire, but the open flame is a "fire hazard" so theres no raku at SAIC Id have to go to Hyde park or Lil street and take a class if I wanted to do that.
Of course almost everything I miss is food related.....
I also miss adventures with my friends, walking to the river with my family and going off trail and almost getting lost, giving tummy rubs to Mr. Noodles brother, Mr Noodles! Being snuggled by my kitties, laughing at my parents playing Just Dance, Singing on Guitar Hero with my sister... and lots of other stuff.
Im ready for thanksgiving break with my sister in Chicago, and im really ready for Christmas with my family in Sacramento.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Sleep, or lack there of...
Sleep, all I want in the world is sleep.
In High School when I told people I was going to Art school, they were often confused and said things like:
You're so smart why aren't you going to real school?
Oh, you are going to have so much fun!
So what do you draw?
First off I don't draw. I wish i could, but I am horrible at it and it does not bring me any enjoyment. Secondly, who said art school is not "real" school? I go to an accredited university which is consistently in the top five for most influential schools nationally.
Fun, oh how I miss fun.
Every day I have between 10 and 3 hours of classes, then between 6 and 20 hours of homework that is due the next day. Not including homework that is due the day after that or long term projects, due the next day.
So things like sleep, fun, and general "me" time are put in the back burner until the most glorious days of the week, Saturday and Sunday. I sleep so much on friday night it is sometimes not worth it to change out of my pajamas because by the time I wake up on Saturday its already evening. So I sleep as much as I can on Friday and Saturday night because sunday is the start of the week all over again. I work on projects, If it wasn't for my sewing machine I would be running to the sewing lab every few hours to work on something (thanks mom and dad). I try to talk to my parents and the rest of the outside world, sometimes I forget that the universe doesn't end at Lake Michigan. If there's time i'll cook if not I allow my self to leave my room and go to the dining hall for dinner. As awful as this sounds I don't mind it that much. I like being busy it keeps me out of trouble sometimes ill take 5 to have a cup of tea and reflect on how amazing it is that I get so much done. Once thats over its time to get back to work.
Work
Work
Work
Work
Work
Sometimes all I do is work. I don't sleep that much, eat food that isn't pre prepared for me, or even leave my room. I just sit at my desk sewing, typing, and designing until I end up with a fabulous garment, concept board, or essay. And then I sleep and some times like today I fall asleep for 20 hours and it is fabulous. So friends, family, people of the outside world, if you don't hear form me for a while, I'm working, and if i'm not working i'm bathing in the glory of sleep. Every now and then I have a few minutes between sunrise and school where I write a letter so you all at least someone knows I haven't died yet. But in all reality all I want is:
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
In High School when I told people I was going to Art school, they were often confused and said things like:
You're so smart why aren't you going to real school?
Oh, you are going to have so much fun!
So what do you draw?
First off I don't draw. I wish i could, but I am horrible at it and it does not bring me any enjoyment. Secondly, who said art school is not "real" school? I go to an accredited university which is consistently in the top five for most influential schools nationally.
Fun, oh how I miss fun.
Every day I have between 10 and 3 hours of classes, then between 6 and 20 hours of homework that is due the next day. Not including homework that is due the day after that or long term projects, due the next day.
So things like sleep, fun, and general "me" time are put in the back burner until the most glorious days of the week, Saturday and Sunday. I sleep so much on friday night it is sometimes not worth it to change out of my pajamas because by the time I wake up on Saturday its already evening. So I sleep as much as I can on Friday and Saturday night because sunday is the start of the week all over again. I work on projects, If it wasn't for my sewing machine I would be running to the sewing lab every few hours to work on something (thanks mom and dad). I try to talk to my parents and the rest of the outside world, sometimes I forget that the universe doesn't end at Lake Michigan. If there's time i'll cook if not I allow my self to leave my room and go to the dining hall for dinner. As awful as this sounds I don't mind it that much. I like being busy it keeps me out of trouble sometimes ill take 5 to have a cup of tea and reflect on how amazing it is that I get so much done. Once thats over its time to get back to work.
Work
Work
Work
Work
Work
Sometimes all I do is work. I don't sleep that much, eat food that isn't pre prepared for me, or even leave my room. I just sit at my desk sewing, typing, and designing until I end up with a fabulous garment, concept board, or essay. And then I sleep and some times like today I fall asleep for 20 hours and it is fabulous. So friends, family, people of the outside world, if you don't hear form me for a while, I'm working, and if i'm not working i'm bathing in the glory of sleep. Every now and then I have a few minutes between sunrise and school where I write a letter so you all at least someone knows I haven't died yet. But in all reality all I want is:
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
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